Lose Yourself
by Akuma-Chibi
Summary: What was time-travel to someone who'd spent her whole third term bouncing back in time to attend all of her classes without fail? Well, Hermione supposed it was quite different traveling fifty plus years to the past, than traveling five hours into the past...that was certainly different. Although, when there was nothing left in her world to tie her down to the present, what did it
1. Chapter 1

****Lose Yourself****

 ** **Summary:**** ** **What was time-travel to someone who'd spent her whole third term bouncing back in time to attend all of her classes**** ** **without fail? Well, Hermione supposed it was quite different traveling fifty plus years to the past, than traveling five hours into the past...that was certainly different. Although, when there was nothing left in her world to tie her down to the present, what did it matter?****

 ** **Book/Movie: Harry Potter****

 ** **Pairing:**** ** **Slight Hermione/Tom – Hermione/Abraxas****

 ** **Genre: Romance/**** ** **ANGST/**** ** **Adventure/**** ** **ANGST/Drama/ANGST****

 ** **Rated: M for Mature Content****

 ** **-x-x-x-****

In the war-torn year of nineteen ninety-eight, there lay a battered and bloodied figure on the stone cluttered ground in the Great Hall of a once illustrious Hogwarts. No one could be seen moving, but the figure, there still came a rise and fall of the chest. Manic breathing, tearful expression, and a mad grin. "I did it...H-Harry?" She called out, but there came no immediate response. Only a slight whisper of the wind that had found its way inside the Great Hall through one of the many destroyed parapets of stone. "You saw, I...It's over...f-for good. Harry, I did it." Tears escaped the wild gaze of the young girl, who lay with her back to the ground, gravity pulling each tear from her with disregard for the broken heart she was nursing. "He's dead..." she said it, to no individual in particular, but she said it all the same. "HARRY, HE'S DEAD!" She screamed in anguish, her body shaking as she shook her head in a fit of unrestrained emotion.

She screamed, ongoing, she cried. Her voice breaking with each pain empowered scream that tore freely from her lips. This continued until she fell silent, her eyes staring up unseeingly at the tattered castle ceiling. Hours ticked by as silence had consumed the worn out girl, her sobs and heavy heaving having taken it's tole on her until sleep stole her from the lifeless remains of the castle, and more...her friends.

 **-x-x-x-**

 **May 3rd, 1998**

Hermione Granger, at eighteen years old, she'd gone through a great deal more than any normal eighteen year old girl ever should. Sitting up, after having woken up to the sound of rocks tumbling in slight careless clatters, she stared brokenly at the battlefield. Standing, she picked up her wand and brought a hand to her cheeks. They were sticky from the tears intermingling with her sweat, someone's blood and the grime of the earth that had all but assaulted them in the battle. She glanced over her form and found that very little of the blood she actually wore, was hers. "How has yet, the Ministry not come?"

Bringing her wand up, she waved it caustically at a large door that had once been the grand entrance to this magical home away from home. Bodies were randomly placed around her. She found no one. The Death Eaters must have been the few to survive. Anyone else would have stayed behind to search for survivors, and she was certain that someone besides her should still be alive...right? Stepping forward, she let herself fall to her knees before Lord Voldemort, the tyrant who'd devastated the magical community with his fierce purist ideology, his cruel and methodical wand waving...his lack of human moral. He had truly been a great Wizard, and she wondered momentarily, if it had all been naught. Truly, he was dead, but the cost of which was the majority of the magical world.

"Would you...could you have...been different?" Her hand moved lifelessly to the cold, pale cheek of the death claimed Dark Lord. Her fingers trailing over the vessel of what had once been the most Evil Wizard in the world. "If there had been someone, anyone, who could have shown you love, or challenge you in wit, what if you had a friend, or family...if someone had come and saved you from that orphanage. Would you...still have become...the Dark Lord?"

"Perhaps, you would like to find out?"

Hermione jumped and turned with her wand held at the ready, slowly standing, her eyes darted all over the room. From where she stood, she saw no one, but moving towards the decimated entryway, she found a broken Lucius Malfoy leaning against the wall on the other side. "You! Avada-!" She stopped, her eyes were wide, pain stricken at the two bodies he held close to him. Tears had long since ceased their falling, he no longer cared for anything. The loss of reason to live was apparent to Hermione. She didn't drop her hand, but as she moved closer, she did take in every small detail that was the man in front of her. He was beaten, in ever sense of the word. His left hand was shaking over top his sons head, his right hand was running fingers through the long raven and blonde hair of his wife. She couldn't kill him. There was no point anyways...he was already dead. Hermione, finally, let her wand hand fall to her side as she once more let gravity pull her to the ground. "I'm sorry...Mr. Malfoy, I'm truly sorry."

"No...Miss. Granger, the blame is mine. It is I who was too weak to protect my family, I who led them into the fires of hell, I who vowed fealty to a Dark Wizard whom I knew could easily kill them. Do not apologize, for what rightfully is...my fault."

She dropped her head, her eyes falling over Draco's lifeless form. Years of his harsh and hateful treatment towards her...no longer seemed to matter. In the grand scheme of things, he was just a school bully, he was still her classmate, he had the potential of being a friend just as well. "I wish things had been different."

"With you, Miss. Granger, I'd say anything is possible." One last tear seemed to slip past the mans defenses.

Once upon a time, she'd had the single-minded thought that Draco's father looked quite dashing, despite the obvious age difference. He's actually been her second crush, at the time. Hermione figured a long time ago that she had dastardly taste in guys, and crushes in general. Her first crush upon her entering Hogwarts was actually Draco, he was cute, even if he was a right prat. Her second, was his father...her third was Gilderoy...then Ron...and Krum...really, she had truly horrid taste in men. For a good while, she'd thought it was simply Malfoy men, which was hilarious when given the fact that Malfoy's would never be caught dead in a precarious situation with that of a _Mudblood_.

"Anything is possible? I can't very well bring back the dead, Mr. Malfoy. If anything were possible, trust me, that would be the first of a great many things I'd do."

"Could you help me gather my wife and son, Miss. Granger, I'd like to bring them back to the Manor. I think, a new scenery is in order."

She couldn't help but feel as if he wanted to talk to her more, perhaps, she simply wanted that to be the case. The Ministry wasn't able to do anything without a Minister, and Shacklebolt was dead...so she'd no sooner be able to do anything else until things were sorted there and until someone came to the Castle. Finding her parents...well, that was unlikely. She had obliviated them and sent them off to Australia. Even if she did find them, helping them retain their memories would merely uproot them from whatever life they'd made for themselves now. She refused to be a come-and-go daughter. She erased her existence from them, it was done. Nothing left besides the lifeless bodies of her friends, classmates and professors, Hermione stood and helped Lucius move the bodies of the two who had ever held a light in the mans eyes. With another wave of her wand, she applied a weightless charm on the body of Draco while he lifted his wife into his arms. Doing the same for her fellow classmate, she really felt her heart dying at the feel of death that was heavy in the air, and light in her arms.

The wards on Hogwarts had long since been torn down, apparition was not a problem for either.

Composing himself, in such a manner that he regained some semblance of his Malfoy air, Lucius turned to Hermione and spoke without a break in his voice. "We will apparate to the front gates of the Malfoy Manor, I assume you know well, where it is we are going?"

She gave a silent nod. Turning her head a bit as she gazed one last time over the fallen, her eyes gently brushed over Harry and Ginny, who had died in the others arms, and Ron who had tried to avenge them...she let her eyes drift over the dead Lord...and even Bellatrix Lestrange, the vile piece of work that she was. After a moment, she dragged her eyes back to the boy in her arms, and in a poof of magic, the two were gone. Lucius disapparated mere seconds after her, only for the two to appear before the Malfoy Manor a fraction of a second later.

 ** **-x-x-x-****

 ** **Me: So, I am sure you are all very pleased that I would be writing another fic...yeah, I didn't think so, I'm sooooo sorry. I still hope you all enjoy!****


	2. Chapter 2

****Lose Yourself****

 ** **Summary:**** ** **What was time-travel to someone who'd spent her whole third term bouncing back in time to attend all of her classes**** ** **without fail? Well, Hermione supposed it was quite different traveling fifty plus years to the past, than traveling five hours into the past...that was certainly different. Although, when there was nothing left in her world to tie her down to the present, what did it matter?****

 ** **Book/Movie: Harry Potter****

 ** **Pairing:**** ** **Slight Hermione/Tom – Hermione/Abraxas****

 ** **Genre: Romance/**** ** **ANGST/**** ** **Adventure/**** ** **ANGST/Drama/ANGST****

 ** **Rated: M for Mature Content****

 ** **-x-x-x-****

Hermione sat in a warm office, a fire burning in the fireplace across from her, it's mesmerizing glow crackling along the would it burned. She'd been ushered off to shower after placing Draco in his room. Lucius had laid his wife down beside him and placed them under a cooling charm and preservation charm, to keep their bodies chilled until he could give them a proper burial.

Now, she sat dressed in a pair of Draco's Slytherin green silk pajamas. Having been handed them by Lucius, so that she might have something clean to wear after her shower. He had also cleaned himself up, changing into a set of his own sleepwear with a robe pulled on around him. He sat at his desk writing one thing or another down. His eyes still brimmed red from the tears he'd probably allowed to fall once more while in the confines of his shower.

Eyeing the flames a while longer, she finally broke her gaze away from the deadly heat and turned to Lucius. He was quiet, and she still wasn't sure why she was there. Why hadn't he just used a levitation charm on his kin, taken them home one at a time. Was she really necessary? No. She knew better, he wanted to say something, and even on a battle torn field where no one had survived but them, he felt it imperative that they should speak elsewhere. Still, the question remained, what was it he wanted to say? Standing, she silently took small steps to the other side of the room, placing the small antique teacup on his desk, having been given the drink upon finding him in his office. "Mr. Malfoy?"

"Hm?"

"..what was the reason for this war?"

"Conservation of Purebloods and the Decimation of Muggle-borns." He said eloquently, as if he'd been asked the simple inquiry of his opinion on the weather. Or what his least favorite subject in school might have been. "To be honest, I don't know what it was the Dark Lord truly wanted to accomplish. I know what it was he told us, all the nonsensical rubbish of ridding the world of dirty blood, but the fact that he was the product of a muggle and witch...I simply can't fathom what it was he was trying to prove."

"Why go along with it then?" Hermione walked around the desk and moved towards the wide window ledge, siting atop it with her back to the glass, she watched Lucius as he turned and placed down his quill.

"My family, my father and mother, that is...swore fealty to the Dark Lord well before my birth, my father did so while the Dark Lord was still a student. If that tells you what kind of a power hold he had at the time of his youth. Being kids, I can't imagine the fear that his first followers must have felt. When I first met the Dark Lord, I was roughly ten, and he was looking into future followers, although, I didn't take the mark until fourteen...I was however, a promised follower. Most of the originals promised their _sir_ in loyalty."

"...so you were basically born into fealty." She closed her eyes, she wanted to reach out and comfort the man in front of her, to allow herself some semblance of comfort in return, but this man had been a huge part of the War's proceedings, and she still couldn't bring herself to console the man.

"Indeed. Listen, I brought you hear, because you said something the I probably shouldn't even be entertaining the idea of."

She raised a brow, but remained quiet.

"While I'm sure you meant it as nothing more than a _What If_ , the fact remains, things surely could have gone differently, Miss. Granger. I'm certain of it. I am aware that my father wasn't always such an extremist in his pureblood ideologies. He was quite fond of a young muggle-born maiden, for a time, if I recall. I heard mentions of this from Cissy's mother while we ourselves were still in school. Though mentioned in jest, I'm sure, it was still a time when he hadn't fully conformed to the twisted ways of the Dark Lord."

"I fail to see how any of this is relevant to the present."

He smiled, which, considering the last forty-eight hours, was quite the sight. "You, Miss. Granger, of all people...should know where I'm going with this."

She frowned, "you are implying that we travel back in time and change the Dark Lord into a tea drinking, biscuit snacking….prat! Sir, in my experience with time-traveling, though I've not the slightest how you came to be with the information of my bouts with time, jumps are no more than five hours. We couldn't change anything...not even the turn out of the war within the last two days. It's done, over…."

Standing, Lucius was suddenly towering over Hermione. With both hands on either side of her head, his hair fell wildly around his face while his eyes looked confidently into hers. "I'm a Malfoy, Miss. Granger, it's not in my nature, to give up so easily...and from what my son has told me about you, neither should it be in your nature."

She blushed, and turned to look away, a mess of emotions, she was. Looking at how close he was, she could smell the sandalwood aroma wafting off of him, feel the tickle of his long blonde hair grazing her cheeks. Truly, this was no time for such incriminating thoughts...but he was...so close. "What would you have me do? I can't just jump a fence and be in the year nineteen...what was it? Thirty-five? Thirty-six?"

He smirked, "not too far off, my dear. Nineteen thirty-eight."

"Oh, so just fifty-nine years in the past. That's doable….oh, except wait...it isn't! First, even if a Time-Turner could travel back that far, they were all destroyed during the battle in the Department of Mysteries!" Her frustration was becoming apparent for multiple reasons, the main one being how close the Malfoy Patriarch was to her, the other being the issue at hand that was beingpressured by said Patriarch. "Who's fault was that again? Oh, yeah...YOURS!"

"Mouthy for a Muggle-born, aren't you. I see why my son was always going on about you." He laughed under his breath, "No, no...Miss. Granger, there is one other way, to get you to where you need to be. One...other...way. I can guarantee that you'd make it to the year safely...the complication at hand is...you will have no way back."

 ** **-x-x-x-****

 ** **Me: Here is chapter two. I wrote this before posting chapter one, so hopefully no one would be too irate for my posting another story atop my already long list of unfinished fics. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, let me know your thoughts!****


	3. Chapter 3

****Lose Yourself****

 ** **Summary:**** ** **What was time-travel to someone who'd spent her whole third term bouncing back in time to attend all of her classes**** ** **without fail? Well, Hermione supposed it was quite different traveling fifty plus years to the past, than traveling five hours into the past...that was certainly different. Although, when there was nothing left in her world to tie her down to the present, what did it matter?****

 ** **Book/Movie: Harry Potter****

 ** **Pairing:**** ** **Slight Hermione/Tom – Hermione/Abraxas****

 ** **Genre: Romance/**** ** **ANGST/**** ** **Adventure/**** ** **ANGST/Drama/ANGST****

 ** **Rated: M for Mature Content****

 ** **-x-x-x-****

" _..._ _no way back?_ _"_ her words came out in a breathless whisper. She felt as if Lucius had punched her in the gut. "...lets pretend that I didn't just hear that, what other method is there to go back in time?"

"..." closing his eyes, he pushed himself away from the girl and opened the drawer of his desk, pulling out a small velveteen black box with a lock and what she could feel was a couple powerful blood wards on it. "A time-turner...this wont necessarily carry you through time fifty-nine years in the past, however, the chain itself will keep you from de-aging. However, that is another thing altogether. You will need to return to your younger, more...adolescent figure."

Hermione's eyes widened and she looked down at the body she'd grown quite fond of over the last year or so. "Lovely, hormones and awkward growth spurts...and after I finally grew into my... _assets..._ " she blushed.

Smirking, he placed the box on his desk before picking up whatever it was he'd been writing moments ago. Handing her the hefty Slytherin green leather journal, she took it curiously in hand before turning it back a few pages to where a Sigil was drawn in red ink. Beneath it, a few Ancient Runes were written and a Magic Circle was explained. "...this is Blood Magic, a Blood Ritual…."

"Indeed, but the problem with this ritual is that you need a lunar eclipse to utilize it. The next is to be sometime in August, which works out nicely, as...that will give you time to get your school supplies. I will of course supply you with the funds to which you can get a place to stay while there. Do you have something that will safely be able to carry your small fortune?"

She nodded, "I have a small bag, it's in the bathroom upstairs. I've charmed it heavily with notice-me-not charms, layered with multiple lightweight charms and an undetectable extension charm."

"Truly, you are a clever witch. We shall take care of that later, the other part of this will be your preparation with the Dark Lord. He'll not be as powerful as he was in our time, but he will still be...powerful. You will undergo Legilimency and Occlumency lessons until its time for the ritual. I will ready all that the circle will need during the time in-between."

"Why do you want this so badly?"

"...I'm not a good Wizard, but I prided myself as a Husband and Father, even if I made foul choices, I loved my family. I can't save them from what's been done, but perhaps, I can set in motion a brighter future, in another timeline."

"...another timeline?"

"Miss. Granger, there are reasons behind why witches and wizards alike are not able to travel too far back in time. It isn't just because we aren't able to. The Department of Ministries had made great progress with the Time-Turner many years ago, and a witch suffered the consequences of it when she got stuck in the past for a measly five minutes and wiped out no less than twenty of her ancestors descendants...that is but one example of successful time traveling throughout the years of our past. The other, a split in the timeline, creating another dimension...perhaps with similarities, but with enough change, you can create a new future altogether. The one we are in will still exist, true, but another, brighter future...will also be made...and perhaps, your family and friends, as well as mine, will have better luck in that one."

She followed carefully what it was he said. "So...if I go back and change things...nothing will change here...so, you will still-"

"I am fine with this. I have done little to deserve anything but this outcome. A fools want for power, I put my family in jeopardy, and they suffered for it. You don't deserve this future, Hermione. A bright girl like you...you could survive in anytime, and make the world better because of it. So...will you do it?"

"...you will teach me to protect my mind?"

"You have my word, Miss. Granger."

She nodded, glancing back out the window, she sighed, "I'll do it."

"Shall we toast to a new future?"

She watched him in the reflection of the glass as he pulled out two small glasses and poured some vintage Premium Dragon Barrel Brandy that had been aged for two hundred and fifty years, if the label was anything to go by. "Isn't that stuff...expensive?"

"...priceless, Miss. Granger. You couldn't buy on the black market."

Her eyes widened and she nodded her head in thanks as she took the glass from him. "What's the alcohol content of this particular beverage...if you don't mind me asking..."

"Well, I'd say a great many seasoned drinkers might find themselves waking in the bed of a rather...nasty goblin they've no business being with, after a sip or two." Lucius held the glass out and he smirked, "to a new future."

Hermione frowned, "to a better future."

The glasses barely clinked as Lucius pulled his back and tasted the liqueur experimentally on his tongue before drinking a substantial amount from his glass.

Uncertain if there was much truth to his words, Hermione was at least confidant that there were no nasty goblins wandering the empty halls of the Malfoy estate. Or so she hoped not. Throwing her head back, she downed the remnants of the drink, an insane burn met her throat and she felt her body warming from the effects of the drink. _'I will create a better future, for the Malfoys...and for myself...and all those who died in this blasted war!'_

 ** **-x-x-x-****

 ** **Me: Here is chapter three. So, with nothing to lose, nothing to gain, Lucius is ready to send Hermione head first into the past, with the support of the Malfoys funds and the promise of mental protection. ...but will that be enough?****


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